Especially when you really want to “do it” for them? Are we even allowed to admit that rejection whether implied or explicit hurts our feelings/ego? Shebi we supposed to be all stoic and robotic and always on the “Bad bitch/nigga” P… you have to weigh the pros & cons and see how it adds value and benefits you.yada yada. I realize that they probably have no intent from the jump of getting to know that person truly; it was just “I’m bored, he’s available, I get to dress up” and this to me is the fundamental difference.
When you talk about dating and the stress that comes with it, people give you advice like – “Don’t over-think things”, “don’t take things so personally” “Just go with the flow” etc and my response is usually “HOW? That someone by words or action is essentially saying to you “you just don’t do it for me[anymore]”? Putting oneself out there is quite tough and it’s just not something that comes easily to me, even though I understand that it’s the only way to get to know someone…. And I understand that this is how it works, same as the process of decision making with most things in life – job, buying property/car, business etc. I’ve had friends say to me “I love dating”, “I enjoy dating” and I look at them like they’re speaking Spanish but overtime, I’ve realized that what they actually mean is “I love going on dates – the dinner/food/drinks” [there’s a difference].
My hope is that my friends let me play romantic roulette with their love lives because they think my job affords me some top-secret dating intel.
In reality, they probably just let me do it because of how much it fascinates me.
"All I want is to date a respectable, professional man of any color who loves me with all my chocolate skin and rolls.
What bothers me the most is the fact that I'm not given a chance."Research on the subject highlights one unfortunate fact: Black women are the lowest on the online-dating totem pole.
"Eighty-two percent of non-black men on Ok Cupid show some bias against black women," Christian Rudder, co-founder of Ok Cupid, wrote in a blog post analyzing the data.
For now, Maya's filtered her preferences on the dating apps she still uses to only see people of color, hoping to avoid some of the disconnect she's previously experienced.
And when she still encounters ignorance, she has a genius game plan: "I usually wax eloquent about [things like] my work, racial justice organizing, and Black Lives Matter...until they feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable, and then I never speak to them ever again." Lots of praise hands emojis for you, Maya.
Listening to her experiences makes me want to set something on fire.
Christian has seen profiles declaring that they're interested in every race except black women, and someone once told her "her kind" wasn't "good enough to date." Another guy said he'd "always wanted to try a black girl" because rumor had it we're like "sexual toys." "I cried that night [after I got that message]," says Christian.